On Hiatus

A few thoughts on the 2 year Anniversary of my Substack, not the 40th Anniversary the wife and I are going away to celebrate.

I’m closing down shop for the first time in two years. It may not seem like anything special, I mean, you know, I’m retired. I’m a fixture in front of my computer. I’ve gained weight. I’ve become “sedentiary”. It’s like sedentary, but you think you’re doing something because your off in your own little world.

I want to say that being here two years, means more than I can say. And I’m going to say a few things here that might shock you—things being circumstances as to—not so much why I’m here—but how I got here.

I retired at the end of 2022.

I didn’t work for that entire year, however. I was involved in a traumatic, devastating work-place accident that involve a fatality. As if a fatality isn’t bad enough, he was one of my best friends. We worked together for over forty years. He was 17 when he began, and I was 19 when I started, two years after him. He was a year older than me. We were single, had money, and did our fair share of recreational drugs that sometimes got out of hand.

We got married, had kids, tried to share our social lives but found that life quite often got in the way. But we still saw each other every day though, sometime 11 hours a day and 6 days a week. Work was all we had in common, and the memories we had accrued.

And then he died.

In the two years since I haven’t learned a lot, but I’ve tried to move on, because I realize that’s what you have to do in order to survive, and to keep your sanity. Losing a friend of his calibre is impossible to explain, or describe. We all have that friend, the one we can talk to about anything. The hardest part for me at this point would be trying to piece what happened, back together, without losing control of the narrative. So I’m not going to do that.

He died as a result of falling under the wheels of the machine I was driving.

There, I’ve said it.

That was in January of 2022. January 10th.

At the time, I was writing on Vocal.Media and having issues with their level of censorship. I was writing JACK OF DIAMONDS. I had close to 70-74 chapters when the accident occurred. I stopped writing. I couldn’t bring myself to doing it anymore. By March, or maybe April, I started writing. Working on different contests they offered. But at the same time, I was writing JACK OF DIAMONDS and still having censorship problems. I was starting to feel better about myself as far as writing went. JACK was a pleasure to write. I had no plot, and just an idea. I was writing by the seat of my pants.

I was starting to get help. Therapy. Can’t say enough about it.

And then someone sent me an email.

It was around this time, in fact. I sat on that email for a long time. I’d open it and read the article, and started to ask myself what this SUBSTACK thing was. I was curious, and wanted to get away from Vocal. I opened the home page and started reading. I studied things. I went up one side of it, and down the other. I thought this is just what the doctor ordered. And that’s exactly what saved me. I could escape into my stories. Sit in front of the computer and try to sort things out. It’s pretty well taken me two years to figure out how the parts fit together.

I’ve grown creatively. My page has grown with me. Being older, and retired, sure, I’ve got a lot of time. But I don’t, do I? I have a new saying. “Life goes on, until it doesn’t,” because Steve is not the only close friend I’ve lost. That list is too long for my liking. So at sixty-five, I started thinking about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. How much time could I expect before everything went South? I was thinking if I could have 20 years to make something of myself, could I do it?

Is this the part where someone says they feel that “Imposter Syndrome?” I don’t let myself feel that. I tell myself I deserve to be here because I’ve been writing for 50 years. I write for my own entertainment. I don’t think about the reader as much as you might think I do.Sure, on Notes, and in Comments; I love Comments. They’re so engaging. But I don’t feel anything like an imposter. I started thinking I could do this writing thing when I was about 14-15. I’ve been writing ever since. I discovered I have an endless imagination.

The fact that I have a computer at my fingertips is living Science Fiction to me. These things were otherworldly when I was a kid. That’s when they landed on the moon. They had World Fairs that looked to a future we only dreamed of. So having a computer where you have access to all the accumulated knowledge of Mankind, is mind-blowing.

Being a Creative is what I plan to be now.

My wife recently upgraded and gave me her old iPod. I didn’t touch it for the first month. I kept telling myself I wanted to get my files on there and take it with me when we go on hiatus. And so I did that. But I also came across an App for stop motion animation. That’s something we looked at when I was in grade 8. I downloaded the App. I told myself I was going to make a movie. I wanted to do it to a song. The next day I was driving and saw the Thrift store. I thought, Maybe I can find something to use? I was getting frantic because nothing was standing out. Until I saw the tub of Green Soldiers. It has 2 tanks.

I made a short video moving the tank across the screen.

It’s baby-steps.

But I only have 20years. I might be able to make something out of it if I make the effort. Make it part of the 5years plan? Which is why I started a Book Tube Channel. I call it BTC-TV, which is really hard, because the local station here is BCT-TV. I’m going to read my stories on there. The plan was to put a link up on the ‘Stack, where just the written story would appear. But the link is a video that comes up automatically. I have 500 views and now have 13 Subscribers on my Book Channel. It’s slow, but I’ve got 20 years to play with it and be creative. I might end up putting my videos on there. Maybe I can make fake commercials using stop action animation? Yes!

I’ve got a month to be Creative…