ST. FREDA
a story...
"And then the Japs came. I guess we all thought that with Freda there, there was nothing that could go wrong; I suppose we all thought that way to some extent— believing it because that was what the Warlord said. I mean, how could we seriously be expected to believe that God would let us die, when he'd just healed everyone? Was God going abandon everyone after witnessing a miracle like that? What kind of god would allow anything to happen to us now? But the cannons kept firing, and the mortars seemed to find their targets, because I could hear horses and mules screaming outside. It was the most terrifying sound I'd ever heard. The explosions and their concussions blew windows out, and walls collapsed. People went running out into the compound screaming hysterically, and Feng grabbed my arm and told me we had to get out of here. I asked him how he expected us to leave, and he looked at me strangely. He said his father prepared for attack years before, there were passes and tunnels under the compound that would take us to the other side of the hills. It was where Feng-shih kept his opium. There was at least three hundred kilos of raw opium we could take with us to Hong Kong and turn into a fortune. All we needed was a mule to carry what we couldn't carry ourselves. I asked him about the others. Were we just going to leave them here to the mercy of the soldiers? He said he didn't care about them one way or the other. They could follow if they wanted to, but it would be a lot easier if we went alone. And once we were out, it would be every man for himself. I was willing to agree to that much at least. I was sure Su-mei, Lin and Freda wanted to live. For some reason, I didn't care about Alex anymore".
"Did you hate him that much?" I asked slowly.
"I don't think I hated him at all; I just didn't understand him," Rudi said as he scratched his cheek absently. "I didn't know what it was that he wanted, or what he was planning. But I knew that whatever he was planning, it obviously involved Freda. I guess I was thinking that he'd lead the people out and I'd be free of them—the responsibility I mean—and that everything would eventually work out for the best. I knew Feng had his own ideas, and I was already committed to following him. I didn't want to become tangled up with trying to take care of refugees. It would be hard enough taking care of Feng and myself, and whoever else was coming with us; I'm not what you'd call a leader of men.
"I went to find Su-mei and Lin—they were both with Freda near their small tent—but I went to find them thinking they'd be able to help organize the refugees, and we'd all be free to leave together. There wasn't much time to figure things out; we barely had time to take the essentials with us—food, clothing, bedding, weapons—because the mortars and cannon shells were raining down around us. We'd be lucky to get out of there with anything. I couldn't believe I hadn’t been killed yet. It seemed everywhere I turned there were shells falling all around us and bursting. The dust and smoke filled the yard, choking me, raining down on us in clumps of dirt and rock. Feng was trying to find a mule for the opium. I wondered how much three hundred Kilos of heroin was. He was still yelling at the soldiers to grab whatever supplies they could. I told Lin that we'd be able to leave right away if he could get everyone together, and he ran back into the palace and corralled as many of the people as he could, herding them toward the tunnels. He had Su-mei running and collecting the people he’d missed, gathering children and loading them up like little pack animals, while Lin armed the farmers, taking everything they could use.
"Then I saw Freda in the middle of the compound. She was on her knees, praying, and Alex was right there beside her, screaming up at the mortar shells and cannon balls, waving his battered Bible like it was a shield. I was amazed that nothing was landing near them. There was a small collection of faithful followers around them—mostly women and children—and Su-mei was quick to get them out of there; she started herding everyone towards the tunnels. Feng pulled the huge doors open and turned on the lights, they flickered and wavered, giving off a dull, anemic glow. He went running to the front of the tunnel with three mules he'd somehow managed to string together. It was time to leave.
"I called out for Alex to follow us, but he looked at me blankly, shaking his head slowly. I think he wanted to leave—or at least, I'd like to think a part of him did—because he stood up. But he looked down at Freda and said something to her. She shook her head, slowly, deliberately, looking up at him as if she'd just had some sort of vision, and he fell on his knees beside her again, clutching his Bible to his chest. Su-mei was standing with me, screaming at the two of them to follow us because we couldn't wait any longer. I was thinking it might be too late all ready. The mortars and cannons started to slow down, and I guess we all thought the same thing, because a wave of panic seemed to wash over the crowd—a seizing terror of fright that was part apprehension, and part fear—a growing realization that came at us with the speed and terror of a lightning bolt. The soldiers were coming.
"Feng came back to the doors—the people were running through the tunnel, most of them in hysterics now—and he came back to tell me that everything was ready. He had food and bedding, and there were thirteen soldiers coming with us. We had enough arms to defend ourselves if we had to, but we had to leave now, before the soldiers blew the doors in. But Freda and Alex were still in the middle of the compound. Feng screamed at them to hurry, but they stayed there, as if they hadn't heard or understood. Feng grabbed my arm when I said I was going out there to get them, and he pulled the doors closed just as the gates of the compound blew apart. The soldiers were in.
"Feng dropped the locking timber into place and started down the tunnel, pausing to look at me when he saw that I wasn't following him. He told me that I had to leave now, because it wouldn't be long before the Japanese found the tunnels and then we'd all be dead. I picked Su-mei up and half-dragged her, half carrying her through the tunnels, finally stopping long enough to wrap my arms around her climb and pull her through the tunnel. The lights went out after I'd gone about a dozen steps—it couldn't have been anymore than that—and I knew the generator was gone. It was dark, and the walls seemed to close in around us. I could hear Su-mei crying, her tiny fists beating into my back.
"We came out on a small hill overlooking the compound. Lin had everyone gathered into a group, hidden behind a copse of trees, and they were staring down the hill into the compound spread out below. There were fires breaking out in several of the buildings—the warlord's palace the first to go. I could hear the light refrain of a record in the distance. Bessie Smith I remembered, but the name was beyond me. I let Su-mei go and turned to watch Freda and Alex. They were both visible—even from up there—and even though they were tiny and almost obscured by the distance, it was easy enough to make the two of them out. I pushed my way to the front of the crowd.
"The Japanese came in quickly, swarming around the two of them like army ants on a struggling carcass; like a surging tide rushing along a beach, engulfing them in a sea of inhumanity. The soldiers seemed amazed to see the two of them there, and the platoon parted like gentle waters, flowing back around him as the officer came wading through. I asked Feng if he had his field glasses and he gave them to me.
"They didn't help as much as I thought they would, but I was able to see Freda. The officer looked like one of those frustrated samurai type—he kept slapping his thigh with a small walking stick—screaming at the two of them. He put the stick under Freda's chin and forced her to look at him, and then turned to Alex, pointing at him. He had a sword at his side and he pulled it out with a sudden flourish, holding the blade against Alex's throat. He slapped Alex across the face, kicking him viciously, and then turned to Freda again.
"He stepped back from her quickly, and I saw the soldiers move away from her, as if they were afraid. And then I saw why. Her hands were still covered in blood, and there was still a crown of blood on her forehead. It was there when the soldiers first came in. I know it was. I saw it on her when I left. The officer said something to his men, but they didn't move. He screamed at them insanely, and then a couple men stepped forward and pulled Alex to his feet. He pointed at the wall and then Alex was stripped naked.
"We could hear Alex screaming as they held him and nailed him to the wall. The screams seemed to run right through me, echoing in my brain, sending chills up and down my spine; I could hear the people behind me groaning—some of them falling to their knees and whispering futile prayers—still others weeping outright. The officer grabbed Freda by the hair and forced her to watch—she had fallen to the ground as Alex was being nailed to the wall—begging them to spare him, I suppose—but the officer began to slash at Alex with his sword. I was probably the worst thing I've seen in my life.
"He grabbed Freda by the hair again when he was finished and then I suppose he told his men to nail her to the wall as well. They stripped her slowly—as if they were afraid to touch her—and because her long hair covered her nakedness the officer cut it off and let it fall around her feet. I was certain they were going to rape her first—I could see the officer fondling her and kissing her breasts—but then he backed away and they lifted her up beside Alex and nailed her to the wall. She didn't make a sound, but I could see her lips moving. I suppose she was praying, or begging for her life. He didn't flay her alive though, and I was grateful for that. I just wished there was something I could do for her."
"You didn't shoot her?" I asked
"We were too far away for that—and certainly not with the old guns we had. We could see the soldiers beginning to search the compound now, looking for us. They knew we had to have left through some sort of tunnelling system, and when they finally blew the doors open that led into the tunnels, it felt as if the world had come to a halt. It would only be a matter of minutes before they caught up to us. As quickly as everyone seemed to be in tears for Alex and Freda, their fears were forgotten. The soldiers were in the tunnel and panic set in as the full realization of what it meant maddened the crowd.
"I looked at Feng, but he didn't seem to be anxious. There was an explosion—muffled, muted, but very real—I could feel it in the ground quiver below my feet as it seemed to pass right through me—and I could see the smoke as it came out of the tunnel and filled the compound. Almost as soon as we heard and felt the first explosion, others followed, and then the entire complex went up in flames. The concussion of the blasts washed over me in a wall of heat, and the dust and smoke went up so high it obscured the sun for a while. When the dust settled, you couldn't see anything that would've told you this is where one of the greatest Warlords once held his seat of power. It was gone.
"We left Lin and Su-mei with the refugees. I told them to make their way to the Russian border, it was only a matter of days away I was sure. We were headed for Hong Kong. It took us several months. We avoided the Communists, the Kuomintang, the Japanese, bandits, and everyone else we met along the way. But we made it at last. And I was grateful to be out of China and somewhat safer on British soil.
"But I said Feng had his own ideas about things, and he turned the opium into heroin, tripling his fortune. He was able to sell it to the Hong Kong Triads because he knew them from when his father sent him to Hong Kong for his education. He was more than aware of what was going on in the world, and we only managed to escape Hong Kong before the war started. I went with him, of course; I had to. By that time I was addicted to his heroin. He used it to keep me with him at first, and then he used it to control me. He still does.
"We stayed one step ahead of the Japanese all the way through the war and managed to convert the heroin into a cache of money I should've been able to retire on quite easily. But it seems there's always one more thing that has to be done, and one more deal that has to be finalized. Like this one," he said with a strange smile.
"You mean with the soldiers?" I asked. He nodded slowly. "Feng wants me to deal with them because he knows they don't trust him just because he's Chinese. I'm a European, he says. I look like them—I might as well be one of them—and that's all he has to say. I can't argue. I need the Heroin. He's a smart one though, Feng is. He doesn't let me have the stuff because he knows I'd leave as quickly as I could—or else purposely overdose—which is why he gives it to others to supply me along the way—"
"Like the waiter?" I said quick, and ge nodded again, grinning.
"It's the only way I can take care of business for him. I live for my business," he smiled.
I left the bar because Rudi told me it was time to do his business. He told me if I stayed I could possibly become mixed up in something that might hurt me. He seemed nervous for some reason, and then he whispered that he admittedly preferred to deal with Americans, Australians, Brits or Canadians, and that these men--Turks--were a little too crazy for his liking. I finished my beer and left the bar at a leisurely pace. I put my beer glass down and sat back before I left, looking at Rudi closely. He smiled a small half smile at me, and then told me to go.
As I went walking down the sidewalk, smelling the stench of garbage thrown into the streets, with thousands of bodies pressed up against me, the smell of fried onions and spices in the air, I wondered what part of his story I could believe. Did he tell me his story as a gift—because I was young and ambitious, an anxious man who felt trapped on the wrong side of the globe—someone who was homesick as much as I was frightened, and amazed. I looked at it as an invitation home. What was there to prevent a man like him from finding his way back to God? I asked myself. But then, like my own father who'd drifted so far away from the idea of Heaven, Rudi had given up on God years ago. Long before any of this had even happened—or the possibility of anything like this ever happening.
The reason Freda stuck in his mind so firmly—whether the story was actually true or something he’d created in his own drug induced stasis—was because he actually saw God through her. It was up to me to decide if it was real. She'd proven God's love to him with her own sacrifice—through Lin, Su-mei, even the refugees—but he didn't recognize it, or maybe he refused to. His knowing that he could turn his back on her and everything she did, or stood for, instead of leading Su-mei and Lin to safety—that by denying God and Freda for the sake of the opium—helped convince him that he was a condemned man; and knowing that, he went on living his life like he was a prisoner of his own sins.
