THE SHIELD OF LOCKSLEY

part VII: THE QUEEN'S LONG SHADOW

AS YOU KNOW, THIS IS PAYWALLED…

Okay, so, we got that out of the way quick, didn’t we? I want to start off right from the get-go, and say that we have a new PAID Subscriber, bringing us up to a whopping 39! I started the year with 14. (Two of them were Comps.) I also started last year with 386 Subscribers, and a running tally of 520 (TOTAL) Followers. As of today January 6, I have 878 total Subscribers, and 2948 (TOTAL) Followers. When this goes out on Wednesday, it’s possible I will have reached 3000 total Followers — I’ll let you know. It might not seem like it to some people, but to me, that’s a shitload of people reading me. They’re reading me for my Notes, and my stories; they’re reading me for this introduction, and while I’m supposed to be telling them about the story, now I’m more apt to say: hey, it only costs 8¢ a day. (It’s $22 US.)

So, now, as some of you may know, I’ve started the Video portion of my ‘Stack with THE CELEBRITY DINER, which is already going through some minor hiccups. It seems that the hostess has locked herself in her trailer and isn’t really that interested in pulling her weight around here. I’ve tried offering her a bribe, telling her I wanted to centre the show around going to the Michelin Star restaurants in and around Vancouver. She didn’t bite, pardon the pun. Now, I’m thinking of asking her sister if she wants to fill in, but don’t quite know how to broach the subject yet. It takes a certain degree of diplomacy working with two women, and when one of them doesn’t want to step up to the plate — even though you’ve offered to sleep with her — it makes for rough going. Now, I gotta go and talk to the wife - KIDDING! It’s a joke. (I have to say that because some of the people here KNOW my wife.) I haven’t talked to my sister-in-law yet.

I was hoping I could put out one video every month. The reason I want to ask my sister-in-law, is because she once tried to start up a YOU TUBE page, but I think it was too much for her, because she didn’t realize how much it sucked at your soul. I’d hate to have to do it on my own, because all I have is my iPad. I’ll do it if I have to, but then I’d have to ask the wife to help me (can you hold the iPad, please?) and that would guilt her into doing it. God, forced to eat appies and make comments at a Michelin Star restaurant. First World problems, or what?

And now, on with the story…

What do you mean I’ve run out of time? I spent too much time with the other stuff and should just get on with the story? Just tell them if they want to read it, they can up-grade. They might leave if I’m that rude — even if I admit I agree they should up-grade. Oh, this is the part where I tell them how much it costs, right? It’s embarrassingly cheap. It’s 8¢ a day. That’s $30 Canadian which works to be about $22 US. If you don’t want to pay that, pay $10 for the month and look around. That’s $10 for the month. And remember, it’s in the ABOUT PAGE: I don’t give refunds. If you spend $10 and read my stories, even one of them, why do I have to give you a refund? You’ve tried the product. I can’t buy a meal, eat it, and say: I didn’t like it, I’d like my money back, please. You can’t even get a burger that cheap around here anymore. So no, I’m not giving you your $10 back.