Hi Ben. This brings me back to things I heard when I was a kid in Belgium, in the sixties. Familiar names, familiar places (although I've never been to what is, again, Congo). About the relationship: it feels genuine and warm. My only comment is that you mention the skin contrast too many times, in almost the exact words. If I was your editor, I would suggest cuts, or a different formulation. It feels heavy handed as it is.
Hi Ben. This brings me back to things I heard when I was a kid in Belgium, in the sixties. Familiar names, familiar places (although I've never been to what is, again, Congo). About the relationship: it feels genuine and warm. My only comment is that you mention the skin contrast too many times, in almost the exact words. If I was your editor, I would suggest cuts, or a different formulation. It feels heavy handed as it is.
I can fix that! Thanks for pointing that out.