This is an amazing portrayal of a man who is in so much pain, probably physically but definitely emotionally, with no support or outlet for that pain that he has to take it out on those most like him, his sons. While it's clearly abhorrent behavior, with no excuse, I can see the why behind his actions. He is incapable of explaining to his son the horrors of war, he has no way of getting their attention than to act this way.
This story is an effective demonstration (not a great word but I can't think of another) of generational trauma being passed down. I look forward to the rest, especially the happy ending (hint, hint😄, says the Pollyanna!)
You know what amazes me? It's the depth other people see in my writing. I don't consciously write these things into my stories because, like I always say to people who know me, I'm not that deep. I'm puddle deep. I think what it is, is the people I've known and met working in the mill. There were a lot of fucked up people there. (That's a real medical term!) Drunk, junkies, sex fiends, we had them all. Sure I played with them, but I think I watched them more.
You have told me you use your novels as a tool for healing. Bravo on this, by the way. In doing so what is going to happen is...some healing. When we heal it often bumps up our level of consciousness even if we are not actively seeking it out. As well, you have been through a great deal and seem like a really cool guy, I'm certainly no psychologist but it seems there is a trickle down effect as soon as we open up even a little. That's what your writing is for you, an opening - so shit is going to get in there, in the best possible way, that you may not expect. Who knows where it will lead you. Like Leonard Cohen said we need a crack because that's how the light gets in. Well it's getting in.
Also, as an observer of humans you have a lot of fodder for your work!!
So the beating man, who is that? The one who is dying? Is this a flashback? As I listen, I wonder how much research has gone in here to tell this story and how much is personal experience. It sounds so accurate and detailed.
Not a lot of research. The man dying is a flashback. The man thinking it is laying in the hospital bed in a coma. There's no personal experience in this, except maybe dying. Everyone experiences that at one time or another.
These sorts of beatings went on daily two generations back in our family. German farmers in North Dakota. It was the only thing they knew about parenting. The wife beating and abuse of children was far more common than we like to acknowledge. It still goes on ( but not in our family ) and the populace still often turns a blind eye. Your story is heart-breaking, Ben.
I was more worried about forgetting to say there was a 'trigger' in it than I was about anything else. This 'adulting' shit sucks. Why, back in my day we didn't share our feelings. You carried a band aid in case your feelings got hurt. Just kidding 🤪. Thanks, Martine. I printed it up last night and tried to read it to my wife. No go. I think it turned out okay.
You shouldn't worry about that "trigger" stuff. Write what you want, however you want. Readers will take from it whatever they want to take anyway. Hopefully, they're all grown up enough...
Oh no, it won't stop me from writing what I want, (although this was written a long time ago.) It's just that now that I've gone through this "weird shit at work" thing, I understand how someone can fall apart. I don't know if I've ever warned anyone before. But reading it out loud, I wrote a note to remind me. What is it I mean...? It's complicated.
Another way I see it is if you arrange your writing to suit a small minority, you are censoring your content. We are already fighting that fight elsewhere.
I've been fighting that since the 80s. No, I haven't changed the integrity of the story, but I may have cleaned up the language. I wrote it years ago, but I won't change it. No, I've decided: I won't say anything about what triggers what, because there are just too many things that people get offended by. As the wife is quick to say: Suck it up Princess, and grow a pair!
Oct 3, 2023·edited Oct 3, 2023Liked by Ben Woestenburg
Agreed. Write what you have to write. Some readers will go, some will stay and it does not matter. Those who can hear, will hear. We have to be true to ourselves.
Don’t worry about that trigger stuff, like Martine says. If you really think you need something, stick a blanket disclaimer in your profile writeup: Warning. Some of the stuff I write may trigger people. Read at your own risk.
Meh. People just need thicker skins these days. There’s too much pandering.
I totally agree. My wife just watched it for the first time and told me I was politically incorrect with my delivery. That's because she's always been management, and I've always been labour. We see things differently. But I like your idea. I mean I understand triggers, but you're right, people need to grow thicker skins instead of saying they're feelings got hurt.
This is an amazing portrayal of a man who is in so much pain, probably physically but definitely emotionally, with no support or outlet for that pain that he has to take it out on those most like him, his sons. While it's clearly abhorrent behavior, with no excuse, I can see the why behind his actions. He is incapable of explaining to his son the horrors of war, he has no way of getting their attention than to act this way.
This story is an effective demonstration (not a great word but I can't think of another) of generational trauma being passed down. I look forward to the rest, especially the happy ending (hint, hint😄, says the Pollyanna!)
Exceptional writing and reading Ben, thank you.
You know what amazes me? It's the depth other people see in my writing. I don't consciously write these things into my stories because, like I always say to people who know me, I'm not that deep. I'm puddle deep. I think what it is, is the people I've known and met working in the mill. There were a lot of fucked up people there. (That's a real medical term!) Drunk, junkies, sex fiends, we had them all. Sure I played with them, but I think I watched them more.
Ah, this is interesting.
You have told me you use your novels as a tool for healing. Bravo on this, by the way. In doing so what is going to happen is...some healing. When we heal it often bumps up our level of consciousness even if we are not actively seeking it out. As well, you have been through a great deal and seem like a really cool guy, I'm certainly no psychologist but it seems there is a trickle down effect as soon as we open up even a little. That's what your writing is for you, an opening - so shit is going to get in there, in the best possible way, that you may not expect. Who knows where it will lead you. Like Leonard Cohen said we need a crack because that's how the light gets in. Well it's getting in.
Also, as an observer of humans you have a lot of fodder for your work!!
So the beating man, who is that? The one who is dying? Is this a flashback? As I listen, I wonder how much research has gone in here to tell this story and how much is personal experience. It sounds so accurate and detailed.
Not a lot of research. The man dying is a flashback. The man thinking it is laying in the hospital bed in a coma. There's no personal experience in this, except maybe dying. Everyone experiences that at one time or another.
You've immersed yourself in the story as you're telling it and included us listeners. It's very real. Thank you.
These sorts of beatings went on daily two generations back in our family. German farmers in North Dakota. It was the only thing they knew about parenting. The wife beating and abuse of children was far more common than we like to acknowledge. It still goes on ( but not in our family ) and the populace still often turns a blind eye. Your story is heart-breaking, Ben.
I know. I never had that issue in my family. Drives my wife crazy that I had such a happy childhood, and hers, not so much.
Beautiful writing, Ben. Thank you.
I was more worried about forgetting to say there was a 'trigger' in it than I was about anything else. This 'adulting' shit sucks. Why, back in my day we didn't share our feelings. You carried a band aid in case your feelings got hurt. Just kidding 🤪. Thanks, Martine. I printed it up last night and tried to read it to my wife. No go. I think it turned out okay.
You shouldn't worry about that "trigger" stuff. Write what you want, however you want. Readers will take from it whatever they want to take anyway. Hopefully, they're all grown up enough...
Oh no, it won't stop me from writing what I want, (although this was written a long time ago.) It's just that now that I've gone through this "weird shit at work" thing, I understand how someone can fall apart. I don't know if I've ever warned anyone before. But reading it out loud, I wrote a note to remind me. What is it I mean...? It's complicated.
Another way I see it is if you arrange your writing to suit a small minority, you are censoring your content. We are already fighting that fight elsewhere.
I've been fighting that since the 80s. No, I haven't changed the integrity of the story, but I may have cleaned up the language. I wrote it years ago, but I won't change it. No, I've decided: I won't say anything about what triggers what, because there are just too many things that people get offended by. As the wife is quick to say: Suck it up Princess, and grow a pair!
Agreed. Write what you have to write. Some readers will go, some will stay and it does not matter. Those who can hear, will hear. We have to be true to ourselves.
Don’t worry about that trigger stuff, like Martine says. If you really think you need something, stick a blanket disclaimer in your profile writeup: Warning. Some of the stuff I write may trigger people. Read at your own risk.
Meh. People just need thicker skins these days. There’s too much pandering.
I totally agree. My wife just watched it for the first time and told me I was politically incorrect with my delivery. That's because she's always been management, and I've always been labour. We see things differently. But I like your idea. I mean I understand triggers, but you're right, people need to grow thicker skins instead of saying they're feelings got hurt.
Right.